Wednesday, March 31, 2004
bernie's bdae today! happy 18th birthday!! may all ur wishes come true. stay cool and funky dude! :)boring day at sch, went to running with pris today. it's to improve our fitness level for nats. yupz.. did 4.8 instead of the usual 3.2. pris wanted to run, so i had to follow.. must train hard! yupz! my hip is hurting. the right joint. i hope nothing is wrong with it.. better be careful.. ouch..
sun was gd today but i was too lazy to go suntanning. hopefully it's hot during training tmr.. (i bet not) the weather always go against me. bleahz* quite tired.. damn.. gotta do tutorial.. siGh..
looking forward to friday! cuz i'm gonna go shopping with cenwei and co. then watch passion of christ with bernie followed by a nice dinner at dunno where.. yupz!
had a nice long chat with cliff during my break. great to catch up with friends.. :)
Posted by sil3ntrain at 6:22:00 PM
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
if u think tt u're the only one in the whole world who's getting all the shit in life and everything is juz so imperfect and no one understands u cuz they lead such a perfect life, YOU ARE WRONG. there are pple who're suffering more than u. you are not the only one who has to live life behind a painted mask.. nothing is perfect, what you see is never what you get. life sucks, but it is how u look at it and the things u do that can change it. it's not that pple dun understand, it's tt sometimes u gotta try to let go and forget about things.. at least everything is better now compared to alot others. at least things have changed.. for me, it is irreversible. and no matter how hard i try to forget, some memories can never be erased.. at least you are happier now.. not for me..Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:35:00 PM
Sunday, March 28, 2004
this gotta happen everytime i wanna go suntanning. it rained! i was already at the pool, all ready to lie down on the deck chair, just took off my top and it started pouring! WTH!! this is the 2nd time already! when am i gonna get my blardee tan!! arhz.. screams*pulls hair*. everything we planned went wrong. jaz n i decided tt we shld go kbox (since we can't tan), thought there's this package tt is juz right for us, but when we reached there, we realised tt it is unavailable. so we gotta cancel our dinner date with the brothers and do without singing. :P but well.. we had a nice candlelight dinner at jack's place. the place was empty (cuz we went at 5+) so nice to have a nice chat with a gd friend. really enjoyed our short date. life is supposed to be like this, u nv have to rush to do anything and u can spend time with the pple u love and cherish.. but sadly.. tt is IMPOSSIBLE!!! (rt now tt is..) sigh..anyway.. i've 'killed' my crush. realised tt i dun actually like him at all.. yeah!! i feel gd dadadadadadada! :)
Posted by sil3ntrain at 9:50:00 PM
Saturday, March 27, 2004
crushes are irritating. they are constantly on ur mind but u can't decide whether to love or hate them. it's AGONIZING. if u like someone, u shld tell him or her, or u'll really regret for life. but then again my pride doesn't allow me to do so. or maybe i fear rejection too much, so i rather hate. it is much easier than liking someone. forget it. easiest way out. whatever..won the match today. tts quite gd, but i juz din feel good abt my performance. everything seemed out of place now. wth am i thinking? sigh..
yk's bdae today. it's 1 yr ago when me and david went to get his prez, 1 yr ago when we sat in swensons talking about our lives and everything. it's amazing how things change, how things are diff btn me and yk. thought of how things wud be diff if we're together now. wondering if i'll regret one day abt the decision i made. regrets.. sigh..
i feel like a bitch
Posted by sil3ntrain at 6:31:00 PM
Friday, March 26, 2004
cut my hair! looks quite the same. length din change much cuz the hairdresser thought i look better w long hair. felt damn weird walking ard town after tt. bernie and i looked like we walked out of some fashion mag. they did a gd job styling our hair. alot of pple stared at us.. (in the nice way of cuz..) ok lar.. pls dun tell me it sux. watever.. i'm gonna leave it long (very long) then i'll curl the ends! :) so exciting!!seet is damn nice.. huishan is sick, went to get white slip and he sent her home in his car. poor pui, she's so weak and fragile. i felt like crying when i saw her face.. whenever i see pple cry, i'll do the same too.. quite dumb but yah.. tts juz me ok.. i'm juz so emotional, but u wun get to see it all the time..
yeah. bought bernie's prez. haha.. he chose it. sorry dear, i'm a piglet. too lazy.. i'll TRY to do sth special.. TRY.. :)
tired.. yawn.. shall sleep soon.. there's a match tmr.. all the best to US!
Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:38:00 PM
Thursday, March 25, 2004
it's disgusting how pple doubt u when u really attempt(try or watever) to trust them. makes me feel really hm.. 'cheap', worthless watever.. wat a weird adjective but heck..anyway.. we did 8x200 today! almost died.. my fitness is damn crappy these days. did more tackling, had fun practising with stace. our tacklings and hits are getting better. yeah! :) way to go girl! sang our theme song b4 and after training. really felt the team spirit. so proud to be part of the team! heehee..
tired.. shall sleep early! going out tmr! :)
Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:24:00 PM
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
i'm slacking my life away. wats new.. watever. they are being overused by me nowadays. watever. ponned econs lec again. in the library doing nothing. im gonna cut my hair! shld it be juz a trim? or should i change a TOTAl new look?(short. punky! ahhaa) gonna do it this friday.. any suggestions?the team is sort of out. pple, let's work hard together ok? 'there can be miracles when u believe..' we will move 'mountains'.. haha! so crappy.. watever..
terrence dedicated a poem to me. haha.. it's quite nice and sweet and cute! thanks bro. pls be happy too yeah? u know i'll be here for u.. always..
bernie has to go tekong for CS today! can't believe it. so darn funny.. CS in tekong.. haha.. hunt down boars issit? shall start shopping for his prez. we made this deal tt we'll celebrate our bdaes everyyear. dear.. pple do remember ur bdae ok.. i'm not the only one who will. u are tt important kaez.. :)
lalala.. it's a happy day.. i hope? watever..
Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:26:00 AM
Sunday, March 21, 2004
had a terrible day yesterday. felt like dying. it's just those times when u feel so alone and helpless and no one is there for u. i'm glad i'm strong enough to push away the dark thoughts.. death is not the sole reprieve.. death alone can't solve anything.. but it is those times when u feel tt it is the only way out. i have been in those times too frequently these days. i wonder when i'll give in to these temptations.. when tt day comes, do not grieve. be happy for me, for i am finally released. when tt day comes, i may be happier than i am now..sometimes, ur listening ear is not enough, ur advice is worthless. i need someone who understands me and my situation the way i do. someone who knows everything without me saying anything.
no such person exists. tts y i can only rely on myself.. i hope i'm really strong enough..
Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:38:00 PM
Friday, March 19, 2004
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
camp was tiring. we all din get enough sleep. food wasn't gd. din have enough time for team bonding. haha! camp is really an excuse for more trainings. but anyway.. we had fun making lotsa noise(slamming pillows on the wall)(attempt to kill the bed bugs tt seem to be only interested in wei), getting scolded by the busty freaky security guard, playing the stupid games seet came up with (tt candles nonsense! some idiot dripped the wax onto my tee!) yah.. quite fun. i dun mind staying another day(i must be mad..)
our matches are ok. i think everything is more or less there but there's still room for improvement. let's all work hard together yeah! :) we rox!! alot of pple got injured today. flor and wong. so scary.. i think wong broke her shin, got hit by the stick. i really admire her, she's really persistent and strong.. hope she recovers soon.. everything was quite messed up after tt. alot of subs.. quite funny.. but anyway we won.. yeah! haha..
hm.. shld sleep early tonight.. damn.. i still got tons of tuts left untouched.(i haven't started in the first place.. hm..) wish me luck!
Posted by sil3ntrain at 7:04:00 PM
Thursday, March 18, 2004
ok! one last blog b4 i go for my hockey camp in like.. 7 hours? hm.. huangcheng this yr wasn't really quite up to standard. sad to say there isn't much depth to any of the shows.. acting wasn't marvelous as well.. last yr's was much better.(like duh!) felt quite lost, realised tt my dream is over, i'm awake, while the rest of them are in dreamland.. wish i was part of them. sigh..wake up to reality.. only to go back to sleep again.. dun wanna look like some zombie later.. nitez..
Posted by sil3ntrain at 12:42:00 AM
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
i guess i overreacted last nite. was juz damn pissed n i totally lost it. yah.. i will go to church when i'm ready. maybe He will send me a sign or sth. i made a deal with Him last nite. haha.. so i'm waiting.. watever. i'm talking nonsense..going for huang cheng later. all the memories are coming back to me. sigh.. too bad david is not here with us, miss him and his nonsense.. it'll be a gd show. so proud of lanjie, anqi n peishan. i'm sure they did a gd job at directing.. if only i'm part of it. it's the best thing i've ever done.. i thank God for giving me this gift, for giving me the chance to bring joy and entertainment to those who've watched the show. hm.. feeling quite holy.. must be cuz of yesterday.. hm..
had a funny dream last nite. dreamt tt i was the goalkeeper! and i was trying to kick away this ball. i used all my might to kick the ball away, i missed it and guess wat happened?! i kicked my wall instead! i woke up with a sharp pain in my toes!!! haha guess i'm thinking of hockey too much. can't wait for the camp. it's tmr!! great time to bond with my teammates. they're a great bunch of pple.. WE ROCK!! can't wait!! :)
tried to go tanning today. but just as i walked out of my place.. the sun was GONE!!! arhz.. my mum thought i was mad.. hahah! damn it.. hopefully mab, diong and wenz are free on sat.. then we can go sentosa!! :) miss diong. havne't seen her for some time.. so fun to relive my bimbo self.. ahaha!
Posted by sil3ntrain at 1:38:00 PM
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
dun think u know wats the best for me. u dun and u will never know.hate it when pple try to dictate my life. hate it when i'm forced into doing something i dun wanna do. hate it when pple cheat me. feeling damn pissed now.
wats the big hooha abt going to church, being a christian? as long as u believe in Him, He will be there. can't i juz believe in Him. isn't tt enough? dun u think all the praising and worshipping is getting overboard? it seems so fake and so hypocritical. i dun need pple to preach to me about Him, i know how great He is without u constantly telling me tt.
(if anyone is offended by this entry, i dun give a shit. u chose to read it, so if u're pissed, it's UR fault)
Posted by sil3ntrain at 11:52:00 PM
Saturday, March 13, 2004
econs sux. i'm so dead.butterfly effect: sth so small can actually cause chaos. caught the show with bernie today. wasn't tt into the show cuz somewhere into the movie, some part got me thinking again.
empty promises- 'i'll come back for you'.. he nv came back for her..
HE said something like that before,promised tt we'll all be happy, if we help him. he din even try.
U made me believe tt everything is gonna be the way it was b4, everything wud be just fine. how foolish was i to believe these tales u fabricated. then i realised tt was nv gonna happen, nth's gonna work out. i'm not gonna let u get back into my life again. ur chance was forfeited when u lied to me.
dun ever think u'll get away with hurting me or my family. it juz doesn't work.
u'll nv be part of us. NEVER.
Posted by sil3ntrain at 11:37:00 PM
Friday, March 12, 2004
i'm crazy! econs test is tmr and i actually went to watch Runaway Jury with aly tt irritant today. damn! i really dun give a shit abt econs. this is BAD! arhz.. screw me!! FOTY is quite a disappointment. wanted vic to win but it turned out to be huiyi, wanter jaron but it turned out to be alphis tt piece of crap! ahha.. watever. like anyone gives a damn.. LT1 is leaking! cuz of the flooded toilet. damn gross! dun wanna go into details. yucks! and we're having our test there tmr! freak it.i'm gonna be so damn bz during hols.. 1st i'll have tkd camp. then it'd be hockey camp. looking 4ward to the latter. it'll be a gd opportunity to bond with the rest of my teammates. :) it'll be fun!
i hate econs..
Posted by sil3ntrain at 9:54:00 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
some pple deserves to be hated and ostracize. being misunderstood is an excuse too often used so much tt i dun feel anything for them anymore. ha! watever..hm.. i shall say sth nice abt bang. when he's serious, he's much nicer i think. had a long chat with him over msn the other nite. tt guy got me thinking abt my life. quite inspiring.. ahha. some friends are worth cherishing. some are just trash, not even worth the mentioning. THEY- belong to the rubbish dump.
good riddance to bad rubbish
Posted by sil3ntrain at 5:52:00 PM
Monday, March 08, 2004
my life is really like mushroom chicken fuscilli at coffee bean. go try it. the 'chinese chilli' spoils everything. dear bernie thought tt by removing it, u wun taste the chili anymore. but well.. things aren't the same even though u pretend tt it's not there. do u get it? sometimes no matter how u evade or run away from ur probs, the fact tt it is still there and nothing's gonna change unless u do sth abt it. in the case of the 'stupid pasta', it doesn't work. (ref to ber's blog if u wanna know more)full day off today but we had training. it's juz running, sort of wasted our free day. went for lunch with the team, it was pouring and gerald (who happened to be in sch) gave us a lift to the busstop. so nice.. but sth happened when 11 of us tried to squeeze into his car. this stupid teacher- thomas watever was screaming at us. apparently we're blocking his way while trying to figure out how to get all of us into the car. tt arsehole was in a foul mood cuz he played like shit for floorball. tt idiot was staring at us so damn hard. ahaha.. wei was damn pissed and told us all to stare at him.. wat an idiot.. we're all gonna talk abt it in the forum i think.. gd way to embarrass him!
anyway! bang tt idiot bought the same phone as me! it's more meant for girls but he went ahead to get it still. slap him!!!
Posted by sil3ntrain at 3:06:00 PM
Saturday, March 06, 2004
figured things out. i'm not gonna bother abt anything. i hope i can do tt.. dun think it'll work but i'll give it a try. anyway i've changed my phone and my phone no. got the samsung x430, changed my line too, it's m1 now.. free incoming 7pm to 7am. yupz! so if u're my friend, u can either get my no. from me or send me an email (i dun wan freaks calling me for nothing u see..) bought a digicam too. olympus miu-400. bet cenwei and pui are damn jealous of me now.. ahhaa! u guys can play with my cam now.. din do anything today.. shall get down to it tmr..Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:00:00 PM
like the song, my life is all messed up. probs i refuse to face are constantly bugging me. i dun even know y shld i bother, but i know i can't let her screw things up. she's crazy. wat can i do when i have a childish and stupid mum. i really think she's brainless.. yeah.. n now her smart daughter will have to worry abt stuff she dun care for! my family is screwed up. u dun have to know n u dun have to care. juz venting my frustrations and hating my life. i wanna die..
i can't cry cuz i need to be strong
i can't cry cuz i need to go on
gone were the tears of hatred, only to be replaced by sounds of helplessness
i can't do it..
'can u take it all away..'
Posted by sil3ntrain at 11:06:00 AM
Friday, March 05, 2004
i got an a1 for my chinese and distinction for oral! gd thing i din screw it up like my higher chinese. quite pleased with myself. anyway i'm expected to do well. the chinese hod thought so.. yeah.went to watch along came polly with pui cenwei bang da and eu, then we went for sushi buffet. i almost died eating. wat a sin.. arhz!! gonna diet tmr! :) went walking ard city hall. took some photos. will be uploaded soon. yupz!
feeling fat.. i dun wanna grow fat.. arhz.... help me!!!!!
Posted by sil3ntrain at 11:22:00 PM
Thursday, March 04, 2004
was too lazy to blog yesterday so yah.. had the stupid foty thingy today. i looked spas(wats new?) pris said tt i looked real awkward on stage, like i really hated being there. hahah! tts cuz i seriously have no freaking idea how to pose!! was more concerned with the stupid cockroach backstage. got totally freaked out b4 the whole stupid thing began.. ahaha. anyway, glad tt it's over.bang's bdae today! pui n i went to get his prez yesterday. this pierre cardin wallet which is damn classy! he likes it. yeah! i have gd taste (duh!) sang bdae song for him after math lec n he turned RED! so funny! going for sushi buffet tmr as part of his bdae celebration. we're doing so much for him man! he better be grateful.
went to watch honey with aly tt pig. made me wait for like 1+ hour! wat an idiot. went starbucks alone, had my mocha frap n this classic coffee cake while waiting. it's damn nice! must try it yeah! anyway.. if i grow fatter, it's his fault. Honey is nice! god.. they can really dance.. maybe i shall go for hip hop classes. when i really have the time tt is.. :)
Posted by sil3ntrain at 9:20:00 PM
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
din go for hockey trg today. sigh.. i hate to miss trg. but the thought of having to hide from tt stupid bitch everytime and having her screaming at me is real scary. hope i din miss out too much. i love our team. love my teammates, love my juniors, simply love trg with them. i do miss the pple in tkd. the usual clique, miss having dinner together, our usual gossip sessions, bitching abt pple in sch and stuff like tt..had a long dinner with them after trg today. really had fun.. thx.. u guys made my day!still thinking of wat to get bang. it's a real expensive gift cuz a whole lot of pple chipped in and GUESS WAT!! WEICHUAN SURRENDERED HIS MONEY without us even asking him to! wat a surprise!?! bang is gonna scream when we tell him tt.. ahhaha! i suppose tt is known as the POWER of LOVE!! ahhaa.. he must have recog cw's handwriting on the piece of paper passing ard class yesterday and thus decided tt he shld create a gd impression of himself! ahhaa.. and he actually asked dao and jake to go PP with him today! like wAH! 1st time k.. conclusion: he must have finished mugging the A lvl syllabus therefore he's so damn free. watever it is.. i'm not gonna change my impression of him. he's a FREAK! period. i guess love is blind. cw thinks tt he's changing for the better= 'weichuan is actually not bad' ahahahha!!!
i'm not meeting my aim of sleeping early every night.. ok.. time to sleep.. must get 7 hours at least.. yawn.. nitez dears..
Posted by sil3ntrain at 11:08:00 PM
Monday, March 01, 2004
new skin!! nice? i like it. who cares if u dun. thx to pui who helped me with the archives. couldn't find it at all. hopefully everything is fine now. hate the ad though but i can't remove it. sux. anyway.. this song is dedicated to ber cuz it's apparently his fav song for a LOooOooOnng time. :)feeling really accomplished cuz i packed my files. realised the need to reorganize my life. most importantly, i need to feel gd abt my everything. yuzp. determined to put my heart into studying econs. gonna give it one last try. if i'm not satisfied with my grades, then it's gdbye to mr. economics!
me pui and cw, we are going for sushi buffet this fri +movie +shopping spree!! asking bang, eugene n da along. gonna treat bang cuz it's his bdae on thurs but dunno if he can make it. we're gonna buy him a prez!! dunno wat yet, suggestions pple? it's a gift from the class. tt guy has been looking really stressed our these days.. poor him, he has trg like almost everyday.. hopefully our gift will cheer him up!