Sunday, October 26, 2003

ok.. juz came back from camp.. it wasn't tt bad, juz really tiring. those kids i have to take care of are a bunch of brats! ahaha, but well, brats can be quite cute at times.. spent all my time with him during the camp, cuz we're both in charge of the same grp. but well, we were both busy with those xiao guas, hardly have time to think of any other stuff.. great knowing all the pple. got to know alot more vj peeps. Deserto is the best sub camp!! yeah!!! cuz the GFs rox. hanfeng, huifen, xian CUAN, XL, johnny, xiao nan sha shou, grace, ngak and the both of us! yeah!!!
feeling so xing fu.. :)

Posted by sil3ntrain at 7:16:00 PM

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

haven't been blogging again. been sleeping like mad these days.. always too tired.. i wonder y.. yawn*. got back all my papers.. results are not up to expectations though, but it's considered not tt bad, so i shld be satisfied. :) lAlala.. had training today, as seet said, i'm really rusty. haven't touched my stick for like how damn long, haven't been running also, so i'm really out of form. gotta be training alot harder, must get into team. gotta fight for my place.. gd luck to myself! heez.. to those whose results are not up to std, well.. juz get over with promos, worry about grades later. to those taking re, must jiayou!
yawn* really sleepy, zZzZzzzzZZZzzzzz....

Posted by sil3ntrain at 11:13:00 PM

Sunday, October 19, 2003

finally open hse is over. it was quite fun. walked everywhere instead of manning the tkd booth. but well.. like who's interested. one thing, STEELGRASS SUX! KC can't sing at all. forever out of tune. god.. he's tone deaf or wat?
anyway.. i'm super tired now.. the pre camp thing almost killed me, haven't been sleeping a lot these days. no time! camp is gonna be really fun with those small kids. and i'm gonna get darker! yeah!
btn the 2 of us.. hm.. things are back to norm. i think this is the best thing in my life. dun wanna regret my decision. :) to those who've been reading my blogs, sorry for making u feel depressed along with me and thx for all ur encouragement. really appreciated it!
ok.. tmr is gonna be a dreadful day. papers are coming back. i think i'm so dead.. arhz... already 5 feet in my grave.. come for my funeral. i 'd love roses.. thx.

Posted by sil3ntrain at 9:37:00 PM

Saturday, October 18, 2003

-decided tt some things are better left unsaid-
feeling better already. tmr is open hse.. was preparing for unarmed combat. pian4 ti3 lin2 shang1 now.. y? thanks to edwin. tt guy is damn violent. almost got killed by him.. he almost choked me to death. bruises all over now. ankle injury is back. shit man! ahhaa. went out with the tkd pple after our practice. ended up chitchatting at pasta mania. had quite an enjoyable time bitching abt pple. ahaha! alot of interesting topics covered in tt 1+ hour talk. had loads of fun and laughter, not to mention pain. to brook, leo, zhiheng, maymay and edwin, thanks for making my day. took my mind off stuff.. so good to have friends.. starting to love vjtkd more.. :)

Posted by sil3ntrain at 12:00:00 AM

Thursday, October 16, 2003

realised i've been blogging alot these days. not as much as i've cried though. crying again.. hurts so much juz thinking of him. shldn't be writing so much, made the mistake of telling him my add. i rather play the bad guy, at least he'd 4get abt me and get on with life. rather keep all the pain to myself. doesn't matter if it hurts now, the pain will go away soon.. if only i can take away the pain he's feeling. it's hard on him. it's all my fault. i shldn't have said anything. at least he wun be hurting now. i wronged him.. i guess the both of us are trying to put up a strong front. trying to pretend we dun care.. sigh..
too absorbed talking about this.. went to wenlin's place yesterday, had a nice long chat. can see tt she still likes tt somebody.. ying gai yong gan mian dui ai qing. bu yao deng dao shi qu le cai lai hou hui. guess tt applies to me too..
feels so gd to relive those sec sch days.. so fun planning wat we're gonna do during our stayover at kong long's place. took my mind off things.. only for tt moment..
shall not cry anymore, there's farewell assembly tmr. must look gd.. think tt'll be quite hard.. sigh..

Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:53:00 PM

realised how terrible i look after crying. woke up with swollen eyes. at least they're not red. had a terrible headache. been crying so much these few days. more than all the tears i've shed over the past few months.. cried again today, cuz i was watching meteor garden again. din wanna go out. juz wanna stay home and cry somemore. can't stop myself frm crying. wonder wat will i do in sch. hopefully i wun be crying anymore.. watching shows like tt will make u realise a lot of stuff. guys.. u shld try watching. it's not all crap. girls watch it not cuz of the cute guys.. the plot is quite impt too.. sigh.. loving someone is quite painful. i used to think tt being loved is worse. i guess it's equally bad..
maybe i'm expecting too much. am i? i guess. been pushing myself to hard, trying so hard to live up to my expectations and expecting too much from others. i'm living life the hard way. shldn't be taking things too seriously yah? growing too fast for my own gd.. maybe..
dun wanna think abt it. hurts so much.. ye xu shi jian neng chong dang yi qie. ye xu shi jian neng rang wo shen shang de shang kou fu yuan. ye xu wo hui ba yi qie yi wang. ye xu.. full of uncertainties..

Posted by sil3ntrain at 7:07:00 PM

i thought i'd be fine, cud take the consequences since i'm the one who wanted it to be clear cut. i wonder if i was wrong thinking tt way. somehow everything he said hurts. i thought i could take it in my stride. he seems to be fine, could still joke abt it, said he could realised a lot of stuff, and tt he's feeling much better now. said tt as long as i'm happy, he'll stand by my decision.. wo kuai4 le4 le3 ma1? stephanie sun's album playing in the background. . suitable song. how ironic.. are u laughing? i'm not as cold blooded as u thought i am. can't see clearly now.. y do everything look so blur. so hard to breathe. y do i feel so much pain? y...

Posted by sil3ntrain at 1:52:00 AM

crap! i juz typed out one whole chunk of stuff and wat.. it's gone now.. sigh..
i'm not depressed! i hope.. it seems tt the both of us have grown apart.. maybe it's cuz of the dist, the environment and all the other factors. u said tt i'm becoming more practical. tt i got to have a reason behind everything i do. but isn't tt all about growing up? wat about u? sigh* we're taking different paths, going in diff directions, growing apart. it's not an overnight change.. i've noticed it long ago. told u, haven't i?
i have no idea which path to take now, lost and confused. will i live to regret my decision? do i have to make a choice now? i'm reluctant. i'm afraid to lose everything tt i have now, yet i feel there's a need to do sth abt it. maybe as time passes by, we'd feel better. maybe? perhaps.. i have no idea.. i dunno wats my choice. i just want to be happy, issit really tt hard? i dun wanna go back to my old self, dun wanna cry anymore, dun wanna waste my tears and my effort anymore.. tell me wat to do..

Posted by sil3ntrain at 12:07:00 AM

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

stopped being depressed. cuz my darling jazreel asked me out today. was so happy.. ahaha.. she made my day. always the one to save me.. muackz* see.. the importance of having friends! went sun tanning.. got burnt.. ouch* lobster now.. and god.. sushi buffet. almost died eating.. but well.. it's fun! sigh.. only pity is tt olivia isn't here with us. missing her.. really cherish this friendship we share. seldom do u see pple contacting their pri sch classmates. but well.. our friendship managed to stay strong throughout these years! yeah! :) thanks for being there for me.
nothing really depressing happened.. juz tt one of my hamsters died.. gd thing i wasn't ard to witness her death. think i'd cry.. sigh.. life is quite amazing.. u nv know when it'll end. shld live life to the fullest..
other probs.. dun wanna think about it.. when the time comes, everything will be fine.. i hope..

Posted by sil3ntrain at 11:52:00 PM

have been feeling depressed these days.. been crying over stupid stuff which are not worth my tears. but somehow they can't stop flowing.. things are not supposed to be like this.. whoever understands? 'forget it' forgot how many times i've said tt..
went jogging again.. hoping to forget all my troubles. it helped. but only at tt pt when i'm concentrating on burning those fats. After tt, dark thoughts will start flooding.
the old me is back.. the one who hides her true self, the one who's sick of life.. I wonder what issit. Issit back? or have i been pretending tt i'm happy? What is it? Somebody tell me...

Posted by sil3ntrain at 12:35:00 AM

Sunday, October 12, 2003

arhz... got cheated again.. when are we going to k ge.. yall dun cheat me anymore can?? sniff* i've been waitin for ages.. wo deng dao hua er dou xie liao..
finally put on my running shoes and went out for a run. was quite determined to jog for 1 hour. but i gave up halfway. thought tt was more than enough. ahaha.. as long as i feel that i'm working out, tts enough. who cares. yEAh! i've lost 1.5kg in total.. must continue losing wt..
took a walk ard the neighbourhood. quite depressing. some places are like so dirty, the stench was terrible. those pple are so inconsiderate. finally saw the importance of education. singapore is in need of cultured pple like moi.. i shall take upon the task of educating trash. maybe be a teacher? crap.. wait till i realize my dreams of becoming an actress. then i'll start my drama sch..
crapping again. who cares.. arhz.. going crazy

Posted by sil3ntrain at 10:03:00 PM

Saturday, October 11, 2003

my first blog..
exams are over.. finally. Had been looking forward to it. but well.. now that it's over, there is empty feeling. Sigh* Life is quite meaningless. Don't understand why we have to study so much. not like i have any choice. not having suicidal thoughts anymore, the dark period is over, for now that is. wonder when it's gonna come back, wonder what i'll do. ha! i dun have the courage to die that is. too afraid of the pain.. still planning, it shld be perfect, quiet and peaceful. anyone wanna join me? JUz kiDding.. FOR NOW.
was supposed to go k ge1 yesterday. blEAhz.. so disappointing. i wanna sING!!! been stoning at home the whole day. wanted to bake brownies but i forgot the main ingredient and was too lazy to go get it. so too bad for u guys.. ahhaa no brownies!
maybe i shld go do sth to my violin. it has been sitting there in its case for a very long time. think it's gonna rot soon..
waiting.. rotting..